Chapter 4 – Tears

CYOA, Writing

Note:  Thank you so much, all my readers for voting and commenting with such encouragement!  I am so sorry this chapter is post SO VERY late and the terrible excuse, however, I have been quite unwell the past week, and needed a break from brain exertion! The votes for last week are as follow:

  1. 6 votes
  2. 0 votes
  3. 6 votes

We have another draw!  Both options were popular with me as well. Option A was the option of which I planned to work with in the novel’s overview, again. However, option c seems to have a less dramatic or severe take, while still having an interesting effect on the story. Option A was the option where Daphne died because of the crash, with option C being Daphne suffered from amnesia.

I am so sorry to have to do this to my readers, but I have to choose option A! Let’s see where this takes us… If you would like to read about the car crash itself, please go to Chapter 2 – Oxygen!

“I see her. All day, every day. I see the pucker of her skin as she smiles. I see the way her eyes gleam with such iridescence, the colour of the sea on a beautiful day, you know? When she forgets all the rubbish she had to put up with and truly laughed.” The path of a single tear is imprinted into my cheek.

“I see her eyes inflame, burning red blood, dripping with the heavy duty mascara as she cries. She was so insistent on applying that mascara. Every morning. She said her lashes were thin, even though they were the most beautiful I had ever seen. They were…” Speaking in past tense creates an agonizing reality, and the pain in my heart intensifies. She was alive. She is dead. Gently, the wind whispers, mocking my grief.

My realization is interrupted by the voice of our new family counsellor, an “esteemed psychologist” who was recommended by the hospital.

“I understand.” She responds, the indifference etched onto her face providing no comfort. I feel my legs take me from the living room in rage. How could she understand? My sister, the person I loved the most in such a life of misery – gone.

Pain numbs my mind as I marvel at the metal entrapment that was my sister’s mini. Daphne. Gently, cautiously, my head rotates towards the wheel, tears gushing from my eyes,  causing my face to sting as the tiny droplets make contact with numerous wounds. Her face is peaceful as the red fluid dribbles into and from her mouth. Her eyes, typically fluctuating between 50 vivacious shades of green lie dull, lifeless and rolled to one side. Her chest barely flitters up. Down. Up. Down. Flat.

The last I saw of her, before her spirit rose to the heavens, free of the pain that haunted her for so long. The last time I saw her before the sirens came and took her away, shaking their heads as they discovered her pulse was non-existent, her deformed sister to discover that reality moments later… That was the last time I sat in the passenger seat of the Mini, as I watched her drive… as I watched her drift into oblivion. As I watched her die.

The tears do not come as I muster the courage to enter her room, the bed still unmade from Tuesday morning. I feel the mattress convulse beneath as I slump onto it, my crushed arm, encased by a dull black cast resting on her pillow. However, the tears will not come.

Daphne’s door creaks open as my parents enter, Mum’s face inflamed with grief and Dad with empty, shadowed bags outlining his eye contour. Not a word need be said. They simply lay on their dead daughter’s bed, her pungent, minty fragrance still lingering. I let them hug me, and for a wholesome 10 minutes, the tears come. For a wholesome 10 minutes, we cry our tear beds dry, until we cannot cry any more. We cry for her, for the life that she lived, and what she would have lived…

Sorry again it is so late! And that it is so depressing! I have some less depressing options for you to vote on! Only two options this week!

  1. Audrey receives a letter from her sister and she leaves home to find her sister, who is alive!
  2. This isn’t a fantasy story. Daphne is very, very much dead. Sorry. Audrey goes onto Facebook to console herself, and meets someone with a similar story. They make friends and this new person takes her on an inspirational journey after meeting where she discovers happiness and beauty in a world of such misery.

Olivia, expression through the lens (and words)…

 

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13 thoughts on “Chapter 4 – Tears

  1. Such gripping writing Olivia and a story that I feel continues to have some ‘unfolding’ to do. I am very intrigued to see where your next few chapters are headed and how you will conclude this adventure. As sad is the storyline is I am going to go with Option 2.
    Keep up the great writing.
    Mrs W

    Like

  2. Hi Olivia,
    I originally thought that as a big twist, Audrey should receive a letter from her ‘dead’ sister, however, once I thought about it, I realised that it would be really hard to end your story in 2 more chapters with such a big twist! Also, because it is more realistic and will be easier to finish the story with, I vote for option 2.
    I am loving your story (despite not having read much of the previous chapters, just snippets from my subscription) and I am amazed at your writing skill. You use sentences so well, and your direct speech is punctuated perfectly (unlike many stories I’ve read as homework).
    Ella ❤

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  3. Hi Liv,

    I am engrossed into your story. It is so depressing yet, for some unexplainable reason, I understand Audrey’s feeling. Fortunately I have not had such a severe accident and tragedy in my life. It is really sad for Audrey because like you said:

    Her chest barely flitters up. Down. Up. Down. Flat.

    She was the last to see her sister… Alive. Because it would be more realistic and easier to finish the story in 2 more chapters (as Ella said) I vote for option 2! How will this turn out?

    Claire

    Like

  4. Hi Olivia!
    Um duh? Obviously I have to go with Daphne being alive! I wonder which way you will end up writing? Amazing story! (I’ve read all of them so far!)
    Emily

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  5. Hey Olivia,
    Awesome story!!!!! This instantly hooked me in (even though I haven’t read the previous chapters yet). Your writing is so powerful, you can feel Audrey’s emotion perfectly and it is AMAZING!
    I don’t know how you do it. It’s powerful, descriptive, gripping, all without the chapter going on for ages (whenever I write, it goes on and on and on….)
    Fantastic job Olivia. Maybe you could visit my blog sometime?
    -Bri

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    1. Whoops, forgot to vote. I’m so sorry but I think I’ll have to go for option 2. I think it would be more realistic if Daphne died, and more interesting if Audrey met someone with a similar story on Facebook
      -Bri

      Like

  6. Hi Liv,
    Amazing story! My eyes started filling with tears when the rest of the family lay on the bed and Audrey finally starts crying. I vote for option 2 because I feel that a new friendship could be just the thing that Audrey needs at the moment.
    Keep up the excellent writing!
    -Elspeth

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  7. I really enjoyed your wonderfully descriptive writing this week Liv. Very sad though. I favour fantasy so I’m voting for your first option. Why did Daphne leave and will she find peace and happiness in her life? Can’t wait for you next installment.
    Nat S

    Like

  8. Dear Olivia,
    That was amazing piece of writing… Yes it was depressing but it had a lot of feeling to make it really enjoyable to read… I would go with option 1 because I would like to see where Audrey goes

    Like

  9. Hi Olivia,
    Your story is so intriguing. You really express how Audrey feels. I think that I have to go with option 1. I hate when people die, even in stories. I think that it will also become a drama. Who was the person in the car then?
    Do you think that you will finish you story in 2 more posts?
    Love it!
    Isabel
    🙂

    Like

  10. Hi Olivia,
    As soon as I read this I was already hooked.
    You are a very talented writer!!!
    Keep up the great work!!!
    I will be reading next weeks post and look forward to seeing how you finish your story.
    Good job
    – Lea

    Like

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